• Home
• Funny Horoscopes
  • Today's Horoscopes
  • Love Horoscopes
  • Free Horoscope Email
  • Horoscope Archive
• Satire News & Parody
  • Most Popular Stories
  • Categories
  • Our Satire Sources
• Search for a Story
• Laughs & Attachments
• Caption Competition
• About Us
  • Our Friends
  • Site Map
• Laughsend Blog

Funny horoscopes and fortunes for 2010

Our funny horoscopes just got funnier! Brought to you by our favourite zodiac expert Ermstrum Galanheit, choose from your star sign and check out your free daily funny horoscope, your love and romance readings for 2010 and your very own star-sign profile, whatever zodiac you are! Just click on the appropriate zodiac sign below and you'll be whisked away into a hilarious horoscope journey.

Aries 21 March - 19 April Aries Horoscope for Today You don't have the right to tell anyone what to do, no matter how much you've lived through or how much you earn. When "taking out the trash" remember that blood stains don't easily wash out of white shirts. Tensions could rise over coming days when someone close to you opens yo... View Today's Full Horoscope » Romantic Aries Horoscope for 2010 Love comes in all shapes and sizes. By the time you came to yours, all the good shapes and sizes will have gone. Timid cr... View Full Romantic Horoscope Aries Star-Sign Profile Ariens are probably due for a bit of a come-back. During the 90s and the early part of the 00s... View Full Profile »

Taurus 20 April - 20 May Taurus Horoscope for Today Like your life, peanuts can be dried, roasted, blanched and put inside little potato coatings. Just like your life. The perceived w... View Today's Full Horoscope » Romantic Taurus Horoscope for 2010 The post-office is going to be lucky for you today as a mystery package arrives for you that for once is neither ticking, covered in mysterious powder, or have red-stamped URGENT all over it. Scientists will help you to... View Full Romantic Horoscope Taurus Star-Sign Profile Whilst occasionally malodorous, Taureans are reknowned for their good sense of humor and their ability to laugh at the strangest... View Full Profile »

Gemini 21 May - 21 June Gemini Horoscope for Today Fun is a word that will score you few points in scrabble...but then when was life all about scrabble? Cats can eat mice ... View Today's Full Horoscope » Romantic Gemini Horoscope for 2010 An email may arrive in your mailbox today informing you that a) You've won a competition b) You deserve a massive dong c) Some... View Full Romantic Horoscope Gemini Star-Sign Profile Gemini or "The Twins", is one of the more sensual of star-signs. This sensuality is often marred... View Full Profile »

Cancer 22 June - 22 July Cancer Horoscope for Today Babies are not meant to be sugared or par-boiled. Parenting classes may be important to someone close to you. You'll keep on fighting... View Today's Full Horoscope » Romantic Cancer Horoscope for 2010 Everytime you have a weird day you wonder whether there's someone out there controlling your destiny. Is it possible for this kind of thing to happ... View Full Romantic Horoscope Cancer Star-Sign Profile Cancer, "the sign of the crabs" is (somewhat) ironically one of the signs that is least likely to contract VD... View Full Profile »

Leo 23 July - 22 August Leo Horoscope for Today If you never liked sprouts before, try them again. Your tastes may have changed. Weird is not a word you'd normally associate with your behaviour. That's bec... View Today's Full Horoscope » Romantic Leo Horoscope for 2010 Plans for the future are put on hold today as a certain someone turns your head and breaks three vertebrae. Someone close to you will brush your arm today in ... View Full Romantic Horoscope Leo Star-Sign Profile Leo - the lion! Strong, powerful, masterly - the Leo has an awesome responsibility to take care of all of us... View Full Profile »

Virgo 23 August - 22 September Virgo Horoscope for Today You're incredible. Gun crime is said to be rising around the country. Political statistics may become im... View Today's Full Horoscope » Romantic Virgo Horoscope for 2010 You may find love in unexpected places, however, it is equally like... View Full Romantic Horoscope Virgo Star-Sign Profile Virgo, "The Virgin", can be far from virginal and is often extremely outgoing, forthcoming and giving... View Full Profile »

Libra 23 September - 23 October Libra Horoscope for Today Do what you feel is right in your heart. Your brother is heavy, no matter what you hear on the radio today.... View Today's Full Horoscope » Romantic Libra Horoscope for 2010 Football hasn't been known, historically, for bringing people together. Today may prove to be the exce... View Full Romantic Horoscope Libra Star-Sign Profile Librans are sometimes known to go in for wife/husband swapping, and "swinging" appears to be... View Full Profile »

Scorpio 24 October - 21 November Scorpio Horoscope for Today Life throws us all crazy things now and then. Like swords made of ham. And ... View Today's Full Horoscope » Romantic Scorpio Horoscope for 2010 The odds are that you'll see something today that you physically and desperately desire. H... View Full Romantic Horoscope Scorpio Star-Sign Profile Scorpions are most often very prim and proper, not enjoying fart jokes or Calvin and Hobbes... View Full Profile »

Sagittarius 22 November - 21 December Sagittarius Horoscope for Today You've got as much right as anyone to stamp your feet and demand retribution. The stars predict rocky times for you and a loved one. Avoid making... View Today's Full Horoscope » Romantic Sagittarius Horoscope for 2010 Deft swift strokes of the hand when writing may be the turn-on that a work-chum needs to show their true feelings for you. However, that love may vanish when they realise that the letter is a final written warning and a suggestion that they clear out their desks... View Full Romantic Horoscope Sagittarius Star-Sign Profile Sagittarius is a star-sign that is well thought of amongst other zodiac signs. Well to do, intelligent and fit... View Full Profile »

Capricorn 22 December - 19 January Capricorn Horoscope for Today You will get an important phone call today, but you won't be able to find a pen to write down the message. When ... View Today's Full Horoscope » Romantic Capricorn Horoscope for 2010 Love does hide in strange places and could be waiting for you at some of the stranges places you've ever heard of. Or it could be hidden in a larder, bound and gagged. There are some strange th... View Full Romantic Horoscope Capricorn Star-Sign Profile Capricornians - the most gentle of all the star signs, always ready to help a friend in need without secretly eyeing... View Full Profile »

Aquarius 20 January - 18 February Aquarius Horoscope for Today Continually turning around in a circle is not a good way to avoid seeing the horrors you have created. Your lif... View Today's Full Horoscope » Romantic Aquarius Horoscope for 2010 Although it is true that you are not bound to find love, love may instead find you. If it does, ... View Full Romantic Horoscope Aquarius Star-Sign Profile Aquarians are one of the most liberated zodiac signs, as you might imagine... View Full Profile »

Pisces 19 February - 20 March Pisces Horoscope for Today Paris Hilton will "pop round" today for a chat and a biscuit, either in spirit or in person. Incidentally, a small chihuahua will weedle itself into your garden and poop all over your favourite plants. At this point, it is recommended that you setup... View Today's Full Horoscope » Romantic Pisces Horoscope for 2010 A special someone will furnish you with a gift today. All signs point to it being a single shoe, possibly a brogue. Partner someone in a dance today and you'll feel fantastic for at least a week. After that you'll remember that your partner was actually the dance teacher and... View Full Romantic Horoscope Pisces Star-Sign Profile Pisces are to astrology what the Vulcans are to Star Trek. They are the peacekeepers... View Full Profile »