Your Funny Cancer Horoscope for Today

star sign: Cancer

Cancer

22 June - 22 July

Don't be a player hater. No, we don't know what that means either. You are overworked and underpaid. Man, I'm good at this horoscope lark, aren't I? If you think you've been harshly treated, please feel free to contact me or perhaps issue some kind of fatwa.


Cancerians - they are without peer in their ability to hold astrologers to their word and beat them about a bit with a pointy stick when they're wrong. Which is odd really because you'd think they'd use a pointy stick to prod rather than beat. Still, those Cancerians who are like this probably won't be too pleased with the above horoscope. Hopefully you'll stick with us and tune in next time for a wacky adventure that this time will be absolutely plausible.