Your Funny Cancer Horoscope for Today

star sign: Cancer

Cancer

22 June - 22 July

Kindling is always useful when lighting fires. However, metaphorical fires can be started using a baseball bat or a 2x4 plank. Plants may be out to get you today, so look to buying some kind of weed-killer. Avoid spraying week-killer into loved ones' eyes.


Cancerians - they are without peer in their ability to hold astrologers to their word and beat them about a bit with a pointy stick when they're wrong. Which is odd really because you'd think they'd use a pointy stick to prod rather than beat. Still, those Cancerians who are like this probably won't be too pleased with the above horoscope. Hopefully you'll stick with us and tune in next time for a wacky adventure that this time will be absolutely plausible.