Your Funny Virgo Horoscope for Today

Today's mishaps will come in the shape of a toad, whilst salvation will come in the shape of a large truck. There's a future in toad-jam, by the way, if you're at all interested. It tastes lousy but makes a really good insect repellent. The medical degrees you claim you possess were not worth the 70 euros you paid for them through PayPal. There may be trouble ahead...but while there's moonlight and music and love and romance, the blow caused by the venereal disease you are about to become infected with, will be somewhat softened.