Your Funny Romantic Cancer Horoscope for Today

Bits and pieces of the day will flash before your eyes before you've seen them. This is all due to the excitement and pleasure at a new found love - your love of drinking methanol. This week will see big advances in your love life. Your lonely existence will be replaced with a slightly less lonely existence when you are given a blow-up doll as a joke. Little do they know that this is exactly the gift you've been looking for...