Why the 'C' in KFC no longer stands for Chicken

Here in Kentucky, you can smell the secret ingredients in the air; Colonel Sanders' legacy has never been stronger, even though marketing forces have caused a sideways step in the evolution of the company we used to know as Kentucky Fried Chicken. Now, it appears, the world-wide rebranding has taken effect and KFC is now the dish of the day. We asked Marketing Director for Bibble (KFC's marketing subsidiary), Ted Bowski, to explain the change:

"Well, as you know, the name change began in the mid-nineties and across most of the US and Europe was completed around 5 years ago. KFC is now the name for the franchise. Mostly we changed as we saw the market change, people weren't as interested in chicken as they used to be. When I was at school, all the playground talk was about chicken, giblets, even the comb of the cock. We devised games, a particular favourite of my was "cock-knocking" which was a type of tag game."

So why the name change?

"KFC became KFC when Greg Sanders, one of the founder's nephew's, was made aware of the demographic change. KFC was now being enjoyed only by the elderly, who were almost ironically the least able to sense the subtle flavours in the secret recipe. We don't have anything against the elderly, but it's not a particularly strong demographic for the fast-food business, at least partially because the offspring attempt to sue us anytime dear old Grandma Margaret or Grandpa Jim dies after eating a KFC bucket. So, we decided to revamp, noticing that abbreviations and three letter words were now as hip and rad as eva. So, like the dodo, Kentucky Fried Chicken ceased to exist."

We should note at this point that there is no suggestion that Ted Bowski is suggesting KFC were responsible for the over-farming and demise of the Dodo. Which, records show, does taste a bit like chicken.

"KFC is the brand now, and we're guarding it from foxes, so to speak."

However, we at Laughsend decided to look further into the name change and it appears that there is a more sinister, and much more obvious reason to change the 'C'. Bird Flu, it seems, is still an epidemic waiting to happen. And it will happen, believe me, I'm a journalist. So, is it not possible that Kentucky Fried C is a C waiting for a changeable word? Chicken? Cat? Cricket? Cabbage? It's a name change waiting to be made, and we put the question to Mr Bowski:

"It's ridiculous. Kentucky Fried Cat? Kentucky Fried Cabbage? Actually, I think someone's already tried those so we might be stepping on someone's patents. But nonetheless, KFC strongly and vehemently denies any experimentation with genetically enhanced or modified Cougars."

For now, we'll carry on believing that KFC in a bucket is what it purports to be. But when that avian flu strikes, you'd better believe that I'm switching my allegiance to Burger King.

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