May Finch, an ordinary 78 year old grandmother of three, has astounded local council members by declaring during a council meeting "I crapped the kick out of me!". Mrs Finch was immediately taken from the room, in which was arising quite an odour.

"It was strange," said Councillor Dean Sygate. "We were there, eating our cucumber sandwiches and drinking our Earl Gray, when all of a sudden this crazed old lady who we had noticed sat in the corner, jumped out and screamed what we thought was her obscenity.


"It was only after she left the room that we realised what she had actually said. Oh, and there was a patch of faeces in the corner, too."

It appears that Mrs Finch had finally beaten her long struggle with constipation that day, and had left her load lying on the wooden floor for all to see. When asked to explain her bizarre exclamation, Mrs Finch alledgedly told police:

"I'd tried everything to move the blockage in my bowel - absolutely everything. Then I saw an advert on the telly for the these new football boots that looked chock full of fibre. I had nothing to lose at that point, and ate one for breakfast that morning. I'm a cleaner for the council and I was sweeping the chambers when all of a sudden I had this sharp feeling in my gut. I sat down in the corner of the room and 3 hours later I...well, I gave birth to this twitching football boot."

Extraordinary!

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