England to crash out of World Cup after Crouch "Mr Bean" injury

England are set to crash out of the FIFA 2006 World Cup after their star-striker, Peter Crouch, suffered what England medics have called "a serious hair and scalp injury". The lanky star, 6'7", injured himself very much in the style of a Mr Bean episode when, after tying his shoelaces, he stood up directly into a light fixture. The bulb smashed immediately and zapped Crouch with up to 240v of electricity. During the electrocution, Crouch's long arms fortuitiously slapped a nearby lightswitch and extinguished the bulb.

Whilst Crouch is said to be in a stable condition and hopes to begin training tomorrow, Leif Sward, England's chief Medical Officer, told us:

"Crouch is...well, his head is sore. Much of his scalp is burned a bit like that Darth Vader in the Star Wars films. Unfortunately he appears to have suffered some mental hurts also and is currently suggesting that he is a, in his words, 'World Class Striker'. We will monitor the situation, but it seems unlikely that he will start again for England."

Pundits around the UK have now agreed that England's chances of progressing further in the tournament have taken a massive blow due to this setback. Indeed, most newspapers are now resigned to England crashing out in the next round of the tournament. Some headlines today from newspapers:

"Wish he'd have stayed Crouched!" The Sun

"Over and Crouched" The Mirror

"CrOuch!" The Daily Star

"EXCLUSIVE: England doomed as Crouch dies in mouse accident" - Early edition of The Morning Herald.

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